Just like Napoleon Hill did for his book “Think And Grow Rich,” I have painstakingly researched and documented many peoples lives and stories before putting together the 7 steps to build the perfect body blog post. I was actually going to interview Napoleon himself, but I can’t…… because he’s dead.
Read slowly and take notes. This could change your life.
Here are the steps:
Step 1 – Lower your expectations.
Goals are a lot easier to reach when you set the bar really fucking low. We all want to look good and feel better about ourselves. The problem is that we all want to look like that tall handsome dude or the beautiful model in the magazine or on television. They don’t exist. I mean, they exist but they’re all airbrushed and photo-shopped to shit.The goal is unattainable and failure will always be the result. Quit trying, it’s way easier on the nerves and the pocket book.
Step 2- Diversion and Distraction
If you are fat and ugly, pretend to be funny and the life of the party. It won’t work, but you will get to be drunk a lot and that’s always a good thing, especially if you are fat, and ugly, and struggle with low self esteem on account of being fat and ugly.
“Know yourself, be pathetic and act accordingly.” Don Rogers
Keep in mind that everybody is so worried about themselves that they don’t give a shit about you anyway.
Another distraction technique to try is to know your body strengths. If you have a good side, use it to your advantage. When entering a party, walk forward showing your good side only. Stand in one position all night long and then walk backwards on the way out. People will think that you are a fucking wack job but who gives a shit? You have hidden your bad side successfully. My ball and testicle area is probably my best feature and so I accentuate that area with a small but distinct wet spot on my pants. This distraction technique draws attention away from my pointy head and on to my ball area. Try it at your next get together. You can thank me later.
Step 3 – Be A Big Fish In A Little Pond
A lot of these self help gurus will try to get you to hang out with rich people if you want to be rich or hang out with positive people if you want to be a more positive person. They are completely full of shit. If you want to feel positive and rich, hang out with broke and ugly assholes with shitty attitudes. You will be the king of this kingdom. Let the rich psychopaths duke it out with each other.
Try to limit your time with rich and positive people. Being around them will only remind you of your faults and defects. Exercise in a half assed way surrounded by smokers and alcoholics. This will allow you to feel way more positive about your own fitness level.
Be the big fish in the little pond, it’s way easier.
Step 4 – Put Things In Writing
Create a list of people that you admire. Write down what it is that you admire about each of them. Take a few minutes and write down anything that you want and desire in life. Write a big long bucket list of everything that you would like to accomplish before you die. Make sure to include goals for fitness levels, mental and spiritual growth.
Save all of these lists and use them wisely the next time you take a crap. These techniques are bullshit and are meant to distract the peasants and keep them occupied while the rich eat big and take our money.
Kind of like religion if you think about it.
Chances are that the people that you admire are or were assholes in real life, you don’t even know them. And as for your bucket list of dreams and goals…… get serious. Life is not some happily ever after bullshit fairytale. Drink some beer, pass out and get some sleep before the alarm goes off and you have to report to your shitty no end job that will take up a good majority of your stinking and shitty life.
Step 5 – Remember A Time When You Were Happy And Fit
(Skip this step if you can’t think of one.)
Travel back in time and remember when you were young and full of hope. A time when you were truly happy with your body, mind and fitness level. Perhaps this was the case when you were in high school or college. Now take a few minutes and have a good cry. It’s over, you can never go back and it will never be that good again. Welcome to the real world. Have some doritos and a beer and face that reality. It’s the only way to survive.
Learn to appreciate the small things in life, like laughing at others who are less fortunate and kicking them when they are down. It’s the best way to start feeling better about yourself and it’s free.
Step 6 – Pay Attention To Posture
Avoid eye contact at all times. Walk with slumped shoulders staring at the ground while mumbling incoherently. This will help to keep others from bothering you. Your mumblings should include self talk and affirmations like “I am not worthy” and “life is shit”. Choose one of these or come up with some negative affirmations of your own. I already know that most of you lazy bastards will just use mine and I admire that. You are learning well.
Step 7- Acceptance
This is when you know yourself and who you truly are. You have a very true perception of your size, shape, and weight. You see yourself for who you are, right here and right now. You accept what is reality, even though you may be broke, overweight and extremely ugly.
You believe deep down that life is a big fat lie and those that have gone before us were big fat liars. Just learn to love yourself for who you really are and accept the fact that striving for something better is just not worth it.
Please share this list with your friends…… if you have any.
If you have additional advice or to add to the list, please use comment section below.
To your success. Don