Hello, my name is Don and I am addicted to hot sauce. For the most part I am a user of Sambal Oelek and Sriracha hot sauces. My problem is that I just found out that my dealer is having a hard time getting more and I’m starting to sweat and shake like the junkie that I am. I have been a user and addicted to Sambal for over twenty years. My first taste came on thinly sliced and charred rare beef served as an appetizer with capers and red onions. It was like magic. Immediately after trying Sambal it was like a light came on in my brain and I felt comfortable and at ease for the first time ever.
I was so innocent back then and unaware of the addiction that would come to control my every meal. I envy the occasional user. If only I could cut down to just eggs and stir fry, but I can’t, I’ve tried, I’m an addict and I need my Sambal with everything.
I was thinking about contacting Huy Fong Foods (my dealers manufacturer) to see if they could come up with Sriracha or Sambal Lite to help wean me off my addiction, but I won’t. They have enough on their plate already.
The reason I can’t get my stuff is that some residents of Irwindale, California have been complaining about the odours emitted from the Huy Fong Food manufacturing facility. They are claiming that the odours of garlic and ground pepper are burning their throats, making their eyes water and causing heartburn (cry babies). Their complaints have resulted in the City of Irwindale temporarily halting production at the plant. This action has created distribution problems and is causing great hardship to addicts like myself. Sure, I could use another hot sauce but that would be like a heroin addict going cold turkey with a beer.
This whole situation is embarrassing. Why can’t I be addicted to something cool like sex or crack? Addicted to hot sauce, I’m such a loser
To the residents and City of Irwindale, California:
I’m begging you. Please, please, help a guy out. Suck it up and take one for the team. I need a fix.