It happens. Today I got caught picking boogers at a red. I couldn’t help myself and I didn’t care. This booger was so annoying. It was what I like to call a flapper. You know the ones I mean. Everytime you breathe the flakey end of it tickles ever so slightly as it brushes against the inside of your nostril. This guy had been kind of bugging me all morning. It seemed to have a mind of it’s own and I had even given it a nickname. (Nostrildamus)
Anyway, I was at the end of my rope. Nostrildamus had pushed me to my limit and he needed to be picked and flicked right then and there.
The smug son of a bitch in the car beside me was all smiles as I dug in.
I couldn’t afford to make any mistakes so I employed the old reliable, thumb in, finger out, pressure technique. With back and forth effort I managed to pry old Nostrildamus from his nose hair nest and roll him down to the base where finger and thumb could meet to crush and roll this bastard of a booger into oblivion.
Wow, this had to be the longest red light in history. Well, it seemed like it anyway. Buddy next door had seen the whole show and I felt it only fitting to display my trophy for his approval. His smug smile disappeared and I think that he may have even puked in his mouth.
The light finally turned green, buddy drove away and I flicked Nostrildamus into the back of the van to join his previously fallen comrades.
I went about my day with mixed feelings of victory and embarrassment.
I know what you’re thinking. Please, please tell us more booger stories.
My brothers and I use to have booger flicking fights. One day we were having a grand old time flicking crusty boogers back and forth. We were laughing, picking and flicking until I took one of my brothers green bullets right in the mouth. The velocity of the flick was outstanding and the boogie ended up in my throat. It was a big one and I could really feel it down there. Eating your own snot as a kid was acceptable, but swallowing someone elses snot rolled and rounded boogie was downright nasty.
I think parts of it are still there.
I think that’s why I drink so much.
I was so disgusted that I never had another booger fight after that. It was traumatic to the point where I can’t eat anything green as an adult. I can’t even look green grapes, and yes, the boogie was that big.
I have never fully recovered from that swallowed booger and have not spoken of it until this day.
Wow, I feel better inside already. Maybe booger stories can be my therapy.
But I still won’t booger fight.
Sure, every once in a while I’ll flick one at the wife, but she never returns fire……. so I’m not too worried about it.
Now grow up! Boogers are for kids.
Share your booger story below. It might make you feel better.