Broccoli, kale and cabbage have a long and storied history. These cruciferous vegetables and free speech go hand-in-hand. There was a time when these vegetables were not accepted, and yes, even persecuted. This history is just one more reason for me to be ashamed and remorseful as a white male. To think that my people had a hand in this dark time brings me a guilt that is so deep. So deep that it rivals Catholic original sin guilt. That’s a heavy guilt, man. Both atrocities involve gardens. Similarities, absolutely, symbolism, no way. This is real shit, man. Save your parables and stories……the cruciferous vegetables had it bad. Their garden was no Eden.
How did they get their name?
Cruciferous vegetables got their name from events that happened a long time ago, way before the age of enlightenment. Vegetables, and fruits for that matter, were captured, tortured and crucified for their beliefs and speech. As the crucifications of these, mostly green, vegetables became a part of everyday life, it only makes sense that the name cruciferous became commonplace and accepted. These types of descriptive words save us time. Time is money. Money is evil. Who let the dogs out? Woof, woof. Sorry, acid flashback.
Cruciferous vegetables were ahead of their time regarding diversity and inclusiveness. They, as a group, were accepting of Bok Choy and Chinese Broccoli long before it was fashionable in Hollywood.
Cauliflower is also a cruciferous vegetable but, because it represents as white, will not be referred to again. The mere fact that it replaces rice in a Keto diet is an example of white privilege at it’s ugliest. Your time is up cauliflower. Fade away, like the dreams of youth, you evil white bastard.
The cruciferous vegetables, Radish, Rutabaga, and Turnips will also not be mentioned again. Nothing political……they just taste like shit. Brussel sprouts, despite their popularity on holidays, will also never be mentioned again, for the same reason. Please watch my critically acclaimed video “The Salad Bar” if you desire more info on sprouts.
Vegetables and people have always been persecuted for saying unpopular things. Unpopular things meaning anything that will shift the balance of power. Cruciferous vegetables can be compared to the first wave of feminism and the civil rights movements of the sixties. Please do not compare them to supporters of the Spanish Inquisition. That was a totally different thing. The only thing in common is the bad taste that they leave in your mouth. Adding butter or ill conceived moral superiority can make both palatable, but not forever.
These dark days were a time when you did not have the right to free speech. The extreme lefties and alt righties of today would like to go back to those times. Don’t let them take us there. Free speech is what sets us apart from the savagery of the dark ages. Free speech is what allows us to just say yes or no to vegetables and other food choices.
Back to the vegetables……
Cruciferous vegetables are loaded with vitamins, minerals, phytochemicals, and fiber. Eat them like there is no tomorrow. Let no man restrict your diet or ability to speak and choose freely.
If we need a rallying statement in our quest for free and honest speech, let us remember the battle of the cruciferous vegetable. We must yell at the top of our lungs, “REMEMBER THE VEGETABLES.” Let us never forget the tortured and crucified vegetables that paved the way for modern democracy and free speech.
Long live Kale.
Once again we have a confusing blog post. It uses words strung together in patterns that convey literally nothing. The history and origins of persecution regarding the cruciferous vegetable is largely unexplained, despite that thought being the supposed main topic. Furthermore, the relationship between free speech and cruciferous vegetables is never clearly explained. All in all, a poor effort. One would think that I would take greater care and put a little more effort into a published post. This is not the case and I offer no apologies. That’s free speech. Get over it. Eat your vegetables. Capitalism rocks.
Have a great day. Don