Diseases Caused By Masturbation

diseases caused by masturbation

Spanking the carrot” is a serious concern and health issue. I just read a book called Diseases Caused By Masturbation that was originally published in the year 1760. It is even more up to date than the Bible if you are looking for information on the evils of masturbation.

This is not a joke. Quit “whacking off” today before it’s too late. I am partially blind and I can thank this book and the Bible for setting me straight on masturbation before my lights got totally turned out.

“Diseases Caused By Masturbation” is available here and will provide a wonderful bond between parent and child when used as a bedtime story. Forget classics like “Black Beauty” or “The Little Engine That Could.” This book on masturbation is both entertaining and informative and will become the “go to” book for family bonding. Your kids will learn the perils that await if they continue to “stroke the Johnson.” Even if it’s too late for you to be saved, please get the book and spread this important scientific information and moral guidance to the next generation.

diseases caused by masturbation


If the regular practice of “polishing the pole” is not dealt with at a young age your children will grow up to be a drain on society. Keep your eye on the little bastards at all times. They can be very crafty and will find multiple ways of “jerkin the gherkin”…… and not only at bedtime. Consistently “counting their change” or playing “pocket pool” can happen anywhere. Walking in the mall, sitting in church or even slowly running the bases during a baseball game are all prime time for evil little children to “tease the weasel.” Always be on guard and ready to offer guidance to prevent any “whipping of the willy.” Be wary if your kid always wants to “ take the dog for a walk” or if they mention “flute solo” too often when talking about music class.

By reading this fantastic book I learned about all of the very bad things that can happen to the body and your health if you are prone to “tossing the turkey” too often. The loss of semen due to masturbation causes things like weakness, convulsions, immobility and can impair the senses, particularly that of sight. You can experience emaciation, dryness and headaches as well.

“Painting the pickle” is not just a harmless obsession. It is downright dangerous for your health. What’s the point of eating a healthy diet and exercising if you just blow out all that goodness every time you “yank the crank?”

I feel that the issue of masturbation needs more attention. Far too many of us have wasted precious hours and seed in this selfish pursuit of cheap pleasure. We have “flogged the dog,” and “choked the chicken” many, many times each day when we could have been helping others. Homelessness, drug abuse, poverty and war could all have been ended if we hadn’t spent all that time “bopping the baloney.”

I am personally ashamed and partially blind because of all my time spent “buffing the banana.” This is time that I can never get back. My medical professional, Dr. Bombay, has attributed all of my health problems to the practice of masturbation.

Life for me could have been way more meaningful and healthy if I had just listened in church or found this book as a younger man. I could have been somebody that made a difference in the world, like Jesus or Ben Affleck.

Please don’t let any more lives go to waste like mine. Prevent disease and the utter worthlessness of life that is caused by masturbation.

Get this book and go to church often. Please spread this message to anyone that will listen…… especially the children. They are the future.

Remember folks, be the change that you want to see in the world. Only you can stop disease that is caused by masturbation. Thank You.

 I have highlighted the text for all of the slang terms used to describe the art of masturbation. Please memorize them so that when you talk to your friends and children about masturbation, you will appear cool. This will prevent the conversation from being awkward. 

You’re welcome.

This has been another inspirational message brought to you by I Am Don Rogers.

Bone Up on your knowledge of masturbation with these fine books.

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