Don’t Eat The Elephant

When I wrote a recent blog post to inspire the masses, I had no idea that millions of people would take me so literally. The post, “How do you eat an elephant?……One bite at a time,” was meant to motivate and to get people started on their path to fulfilling their goals and dreams. I repeat, it was not to be taken literally.

People, please, don’t eat the elephant!!elephant clipart

I am a very popular blogger. My posts go viral regularly and millions are influenced by my teachings. I now realize that with this popularity, comes great responsibility. I apologize to the friends and families of all the elephants that have been eaten. I was careless in my choice of words and because of that, thousands of elephants have been consumed.

Scientists and environmentalists have estimated that because of my ill chosen words the  elephant population has diminished to near extinction in most urban centers. Celebrity chefs have taken up the cause and are now serving only sustainably slaughtered elephant on their menus.

The United States has gone so far as to outlaw the popular deep fried elephant ears at fairs and amusement parks. Some do gooders have even started a petition to ban hot dogs for the same reason misguided reason. (More info here about mystery meat.)

Stop the panic,  stop the insanity, but most importantly, stop eating the elephants.Orson Welles

The “Eating of the Elephant crisis” has been compared to the Orson Welles “War of the Worlds” broadcast fiasco of 1938 when he convinced millions of people that the Martians were invading. I object wholeheartedly to these comparisons. Sure, Orson and I  both represent the cutting edge of creativity in our times, but I think that the comparison stops there. His actions were deliberate and mine were purely unintentional.

So many lessons to learn in life. I Don Rogers, pledge to you, that I will not let anything like this happen again.

I will take better care with my words.

I just never realized that people were so stupid. How could so many of you misunderstand my words, or even worse, jump on the “elephant eating” bandwagon just because someone else did. I mean, really, if Jack jumped off a cliff, would you…….oh, wait a second, no, no stoooooop, delete, delete……it’s just an expression.

Dammit, when will I learn…… Here we go again!!

 

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