After twenty one years of research, Polish scientist, Urgaie “Sausage” Bullshitski has developed a bonding agent that he says can be used to put Humpty Dumpty together again. Because of patents pending he was unable to divulge the whole process but sources tell us that it involves a combination of ground beef, bread crumbs, a little onion and of course Humpty Dumpty himself. The scientist admits that the technique will alter Mr. Dumpty’s appearance but at least he will be together again.
Humpty’s accident is one of those things that we all remember. I’ll bet that each and everyone of us knows exactly where we were and what we were doing when the horrible news came out.
Original press release courtesy of The London Rhymes, August 12, 1791
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.
Although all the king’s horses and all the king’s men were considered to be the best putter togetherers of the time, they were just not man and horse enough for the job. It has also been speculated that they didn’t really try because of an impending work to rule mandate from their union. Who knows and who cares now that Bullshitski has come to the rescue.
Humpty himself, declined comment on his new found luck, but spokesperson Mallory Skillet issued a statement saying “Humpty is pleased and looking forward to getting things back together again.” Skillet goes on to say that, “Mr. Dumpty will now be able to start the long healing process and plans to enter rehab to address his addiction to painkillers and alcohol. He then hopes to embark on a speaking tour to tell his story and to warn others about the dangers of drinking and wall play.”
A big thank you to Dr. Bullshitski and Good Luck Humpty, you deserve it.
Where were you when it happened? Leave a comment below.