I Am Having A Bad Day

I, Don Rogers am having a bad day.

I am having a bad day today. I’m thinking way too much and that’s usually the first sign of trouble. I do so much better when I just block everything out and sing fake happy tunes in my head. Either that or start pounding beers in the morning, until I can’t think, or even walk. I don’t want to think. I just want to be. And by be, I mean leave me be. No time for small talk today, I just need to be alone. Do not even think about calling today, unless you work for the lottery and have some good news.

If it wasn’t for the need to make money, I think I would just fuck off and live in the mountains somewhere. Only if they had a hockey team in that part of the mountains, of course. I need hockey. Professional athletes on skates smashing into each other at a thousand miles an hour just kind of settles me down when I’m troubled. I think it’s because I’m Canadian.

Hockey fight.

Canada’s national sport is actually lacrosse but that’s just politically correct bullshit to keep the First Nations happy. I’m guessing that they used to play lacrosse before our European descendants came over and scoffed their land. Okay, what the heck. I guess we can give them the national sport thing. I guess we owe them at least that……add it to the blankets and I think we still got a pretty good deal on the land.

First Nations lacrosse.

Canada is massive and cold in the winter. That’s why we invented hockey and that’s probably why we are so polite. We get our aggressions out playing hockey. The cold weather is probably why the Russians play a lot of hockey too. Canada is kind of like Russia, except for the vodka induced corruption, homophobia and funny names. “Jackov passes to smirnov, back to fuckov, he shoots, he scores…… pissmeov.” Actually we aren’t like Russia at all.

Vodka bottle.

I’m glad my descendants came to North America. If they didn’t make the trip maybe I’d be one of those fat European bastards on the beach wearing  a speedo that’s too damn small. Plus, soccer is a ladies game. Nope, Europe’s not for me. Thanks for making the trip ancestors. I really appreciate it.

Let’s see…..who else can I piss off today?

I think that I’m an asshole but I’m not sure. If I see a homeless guy walking down the street with a dog. I automatically feel bad for the dog. Does this make me a compassionate man for wanting the dog to have a better life, or does it make me an asshole for caring less about the homeless guy. I think a lot of people feel the same way. The homeless guy probably made some bad choices in life, but the dog didn’t have a choice. I side with the dog every time.

Anyway…… that’s not the reason that I think I’m an asshole. The main reason that I think I’m an asshole is because of my brain and my thoughts. They just don’t flow the spiritual way. I can talk and act a good guy game, but in my head I know that it’s all bullshit. I am skeptical about everything and deep down I don’t trust anybody. And it’s because I know what goes on in my head. I think it goes on in their head too. I don’t know for sure, but I think that most other people are in this thing for themselves.

We all just fake it when we have to. We’re just animals trying to survive. Deep down I think that even the do-gooders know that the compassionate and caring people get eaten first. And half of those do-gooding bastards are just faking it to get with the good looking do-gooder chicks. They don’t fool me for a second. 

I guess that’s enough of a rant for today, I almost feel better. Putting others down always puts a little glide in my stride.

Please don’t call to complain. If you’re such a great and politically correct person, go help a homeless guy, buy a Russian a drink, or give your house to the First Nations.

Just leave me out of it.



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