Men In Speedos


I might not go to the beach anymore.   All I ever see is ugly people and men in speedos. Hollywood movies and TV beachshows promised me beautiful people.  I can’t find them and I’m starting to feel ripped off and lied to.

But seriously…..

What’s with all these European men and their speedo type bathing suits?  They walk around the beach with their big fat bellies and their tiny little speedos.  It’s business as usual for them. They don’t have a clue that we get the dry heaves just looking at them.  

The speedos look like thongs on these fat guys.  They ride pretty high too and I’ll bet it’s a bitch to clean them.  Their wives must go through a lot of bleach and some serious elbow grease trying to scrub the skid marks off those babies.   

We should put a big sign up at the border,” No Speedos Allowed” or “Cock Sacks and Banana Hammocks are not cool here.”

They should have to leave them at the border.  It’s just not right!

If I want to look at European sausage, I’ll go to the deli.

If I do go to the beach again, I will be armed with a salad fork.  If I see one more fat guy in a speedo I’m going to poke my eyes out.


Damn you, speedo!!  Damn you Hollywood!!  And damn you, you hairy European bastards!!

Oh crap, gotta go, had a bad visual and puked in my mouth.




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