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Stolen Parking Spot Causes Right Thumb To Swell

swollen thumb

Yesterday some guy parked in my spot at work.  This inconsiderate action has caused my right thumb to swell.

swollen thumb

My new thumb.

I parked in the spot next to mine and got out of the van putting on my best angry face.  As I surveyed the situation I became angry and distracted, death by stabbing crossed my mind as just punishment.  I had opened my sliding door at this point and when I went to close it, I forgot to take out my right thumb and I closed the door on it.  As good luck would have it I had already put my keys away in my right pocket.  To get my damn thumb out I would have to use my left hand to dig the keys out of my right pocket.  

More good luck…….my pockets were incredibly deep and I couldn’t quite reach.  It was like a game of twister, with more pain and no laughs. At least in twister if you can’t place your left hand on the green circle you can quit. Not so much in my new game.  Anyway, did I mention it hurt, a lot.  It hurt even worse when I started spastically jumping up and down trying to bounce my keys up an inch and into my hand.

At this point there was a bystander watching the whole fiasco.  I would have asked for help but he looked a little shady and I didn’t want some guy copping a ball feel while reaching into my pocket for the keys.  It’s not that I’m homophobic.  I just prefer not to have other guys touching my balls.  Is that so wrong?

Well, I finally got the key and unlocked the door,  I was expecting my thumb to come out in two pieces, but no, it just came out way bigger than it used to be.

Thank you so much, parking thief.  May the Karma monster kick your ass.

As a result of this crappy morning, my day proved to be extremely unproductive.  

I sat around most of the day with my thumb up my ass. The left one.  My right thumb wouldn’t fit.

swollen thumb

Guess which thumb got stuck in the door.

Have a great day, Don.

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