The biggest disasters in history are not listed in any particular order. All I can say is that they are ten real good ones. To rank them would require additional effort, so it’s not happening. Life isn’t numbered. This is freestyle. Just feel it, man.
The Black Plague – The bubonic plague “AKA, Black Death” was a popular way to die in the mid fourteenth century. I was just a young lad at the time, but remember it well. It killed millions of people in Europe, Asia and North Africa. Luckily I was living in Canada at the time and I avoided those people like the plague.
The Great Potato Famine – The Irish potato famine killed over one million people between 1845 and 1848.The crops were destroyed by a water mold fungus and the country ran out of spuds. Fast food outlets did not exist at the time and the people starved. The only good thing to come out of it was the fact that millions of Irish immigrated to North America and opened up some really good pubs..
Scientists now believe that if the Black Plague and the Irish potato famine had happened simultaneously, they would have cancelled each other out. The old “starve the fever” thing would have kicked in and all those dead people could have lived happily ever after. Oh well, better luck time.
Hurricane Katrina – In 2005 one of the deadliest hurricanes to ever hit the United States occurred and flooded the Gulf Coast. It is estimated that property damage alone was over 80 billion dollars. Disasters can be a learning experience, though. Katrina taught us that modern day Christians are self-centred and lack the work ethic of Noah.Thousands of animals could have been saved.
Fashion In The Eighties – Underestimated by many in the disaster countdowns. Fashion in the eighties affected millions. Nobody even realized how big a disaster it was, on account of all the cocaine. (For those unfamiliar with cocaine – it is a health food supplement that provides energy and a good attitude.) Cocaine will totally improve your life, but that’s another story.
The ridiculous facial hair, ball hugging pants and shitty music all contributed to the disaster known as the eighties. Repercussions are felt to this day. Thank the good and merciful lord that there were no selfies or Facebook back then.
The Subway Marketing Campaign Featuring Jarod – A fat guy named Jarod lost a whole bunch of weight eating “artist inspired” slabs of mystery meat with brown lettuce on a bun. “Whoop dee do,” turns out, old, fat Jarod is a diddler. As good luck would have it, Jarod will still be able to get his fill of six inchers and foot longs in prison, they just won’t be sandwiches.
The Tangshan Earthquake In China – In 1976 an earthquake of 7.8 magnitude rocked China.The Russian judge only gave it a 5.6, but everybody knows that score was bullshit. This earthquake deserved at least a 7.8. I mean, really, it killed almost a quarter of a million people and injured thousands more. A 5.6 my ass. Russian earthquakes are always better, blah, blah blah. The earthquake left the city of Tangshan destroyed, never to perform again.
Indian Ocean Earthquake And Tsunami – Never a good day when you get hit with a 9.3 magnitude earthquake and a tsunami on the same day. It happened on December 26, 2004 killing over 220 thousand people in South East Asia. The resulting destruction and chaos can only be compared to the activity at Walmarts across America that day. Boxing day sales created stampedes of big people in stretchy pants pounding each other for the last tube of pink lipstick. December 26, 2004 was not a good day for the world.
Canadian Band Max Webster Breaks Up – An event that some music fans compare to Yoko Ono splitting up the Beatles. The legendary rocker Kim Mitchell decides to go solo and pack in the Max Webster Band. A sad day for Webster fans when “The Party” ended. No more, “Toronto Tontos,” no more “cocaine colored computer cards,” and no more, trips “Beyond The Moon.” Sure, Kim still rocked the world with a stellar solo career, but Max Webster was a once in a lifetime magical experience. Max Webster people know what I’m talking about.
And yes, Max Webster breaking up, IS one of the biggest disasters in history. It’s my list. Make your own if you don’t like it.
Okay, if you’re keeping score I only listed eight. Most people wouldn’t even notice if I didn’t mention it. That’s the good thing about not numbering the list. You can pack it in early and grab a beer. Nobody gives a shit.
That’s a writing tip. You’re Welcome.
Thanks for your time. Join me tomorrow for a top ten list of white rappers. Maybe two, I should be able to find two. Forget it. Let’s do a top ten list of black rappers. Shit, am I allowed to say black? I just don’t know anymore. Forget it. No rapper list tomorrow.
Have a great day, Don
Feel free to add your favorite disaster in the comments section below.