World population, 7 Billion . Wow!! I had a few beers, did the calculations and came to the conclusion that we gotta thin the herd.
We could start small. Get rid of a few annoying people at first, you know, try not to ruffle too many feathers and proceed from there.
The idea of thinning the human herd may not be politically correct, but luckily for the worlds future, I don’t care.
Deep down you too know it’s the right thing to do, 7 billion is just too damn many.
You won’t even notice, unless of course you are one of the chosen.
I think it goes without saying that the first people to go are the overly happy people. You know the guys I mean. They say really stupid things like, “Hey buddy, are you working hard or hardly working?”
If you ask them how it’s going, they say something stupid and annoying, like “scrumpdillyicious, life is great.”
when you’re having a really lousy day they always catch you at the worst possible time with….. “Hey Don, you should smile more.”
And then of course I always have to say, “you’re right, I should smile more………and you should fuck off more!”
So that settles it. Happy people are the first to go.
Not a bad start, but we should also get rid of:
- Anybody that sucks at volleyball and laughs every time they miss the ball. It’s not funny. You are wrecking the game for eleven other people. It’s okay to suck, just don’t play. Cheer, umpire, do anything else, just don’t play. Take yourself out of the game or we will take you out …….. permanently. The ball is in your court.
- Helicopter Parents: Stop hovering, you are annoying. The kids need to handle some social situations without you. Let them interact without the buffer. Keep it up and we will take you out. When you’re gone the kids will have no choice but to deal on their own, all the time. Your choice.
- Guys that won’t stop playing their guitar at a party. We get it, you need the practice. Do it at home Take that guitar out again and we’ll show you “the stairway to heaven.”
- Anybody involved in the production and distribution of one-ply toilet paper including any stinky fingered bastards that buy it. You are too cheap to live. Goodbye.
- The old lady at the front of a long lineup that doesn’t have her payment ready and has too many coupons. Say goodbye grandma. You had your chance. We gotta be somewhere.
- Reality TV stars. They play themselves for Christ’s sake. They’ve had their whole lives to study for the part and they still suck. They need to go, now!
Benefits of the cull:
- If we can get the population down to a manageable level we won’t have to waste our time reducing, reusing and recycling.
- There will be better jobs for everyone.
- Less time wasted in lineups.
- No more happy people to ruin our already miserable day.
This preliminary list is a good starting point. Once we get people used to the idea and the benefits of thinning the herd we can move on to eliminating entire cultures and countries that bother us.
You can thank me later.
Who would you like to see gone?
Leave comments and suggestions below.
Have a day, Don.